The principles of Negotiation can work for you in any situation, but often people ask me, "Well, its often a fact that conflict happens unexpectedly. What if I don't have time to prepare? Can negotiation skills be used on the spur of the moment?" The answer is YES.
The principles of Street Negotiation were created and battle-tested on the streets and it's power lies in its ability to be used to resolve any conflict anytime. Conflict can be resolved in six easy to learn steps, acronymed as BEDROL (Back-up plan, Emotional control, Defusing their anger, Reframing, Options, and Letting them choose their fate).
1. Back Up Plan
Having a back-up plan before you step into a conflict is absolutely crucial. Police officers sometimes are so accustom to having people do as they say, they become complacent and fail to have a plan B ready in case the person doesn't want to comply. An unfortuanate number of police officers have been killed in the line of duty because they didn't know what to do once the subject refused to comply with their demands. Their lack of a back-up plan made them freeze up, giving the suspect enough time to overpower them.
By having a plan B in your pocket prior to dealing with any conflict, you can remain confident that you can still move forward even if your negotiation fails. Remember that your plan B is your best solution that you can come up with on your own without having to talk with your counterpart. For the hostage negotiator, this could mean using the tactical team to take control by force. For two angry neighbors, this could mean going to court. Your plan B gives you the confidence to deal with your counterpart and the ability to move forward, whether you reach an agreement with them or not.
2. Emotional Control
Your anger is the biggest challege towards resolving the conflict peacefully. You need to control your anger by separating the person from the problem. Have pity on the person for attacking you because their real anger lies in the problem, not with you. View the situation rationally without allowing anger into the equation. You always have to remember that if you react with anger-then you've lost the battle.
3. Defusing their anger
The other obstacle to overcome is your counterpart's anger and frustration. These emotions are blinding them from seeing things rationally. Their primary focus is that they were wronged and now they want retribution-often from you. Think of their emotions like a pressure cooker on a stovetop.
There are two ways of releasing the pressure:
a. You can pop the lid and the have the contents explode out of the pot from the sudden change in pressure
b. You can engage the pressure-release valve and slowly let that steam pressure out of the cooker which will enable you to open the lid without injury.
The same is true for an angry person. You want to hit their pressure release switch by using active listening skills. Listen and acknowledge this concerns. Engage them in empathetic responses by trying to walk around in their shoes. Paraphrase back to them what they told you in your own words. You will see a dramatic difference in their level of hostility as they get to vent their anger.
4. Reframing
Now comes the time when you must reframe their position into interests. Do this by first reframing them from an enemy into a partner. Then reframe all their personal attacks on you back on the problem. Then finally, uncover their interests behind their demands with nonconfrontational questions.
5. Options
Discuss options with them and get them involved in the process of thinking about possibilities for a solution. You might have to present some various options that they have available to them. Strive for a cooperative effort to find mutually-satisfying options that will benefit both parties.
6. Letting them choose their fate
Empower your counterpart with the choice to make their own fate. Don't back them into a corner by telling them what to do. Human beings need control over their own life, otherwise they feel threatened. Let them pick the option that you both have discussed. If they still fail to comply at this point then ask them what the possible consequences are if no agreement can be made. As a last resort, use your back-up plan as an alternative to the negotiation.
Tristan Loo
Friday, May 29, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
The Most Powerful Persuasion Skill You'll Ever Learn: Criteria Elicitation
This is without a doubt the most important persuasion skill that you can learn. If you'll learn to apply this to every situation in which you find yourself you'll be amazed at the positive results! Many of the hypnotic skills I'll be sharing with you have a parallel in old sales training techniques. This one is no exception!
Lets say that you are needing to convince someone to do something, accept something, or behave in a certain way. You will need to communicate with their powerful subconscious (SC) to get your desired agreement. Once a person's subconscious "buys in" to what you are proposing they will just naturally seem to come over to your way of thinking. The question then becomes "how do I get my message to the person's subconscious?"
Here's your answer-elicit their true criteria. Simply put, ask. Try this one:
SALESMAN: John, what's important to you when shopping for a new car?
JOHN: Well I like to know that the person I'm dealing with is honest.
SALESMAN: Yes honesty is the best policy. What else is valuable to you when you are making the decision about a car?
JOHN: I like to know the car has a high reliability rating from Consumer Reports.
SALESMAN: An unreliable car is not an acceptable situation. What else is important john?
JOHN: I want to know that I got a really good price.
In the above can you put John's criteria in order of importance? If you chose 3, 2, 1 you were right! Our hypnotically trained sales man knew to ask at least three times what was really important or valuable. He agreed and parroted each answer so that John's SC would react to him as a friend (rapport). John's SC would give increasingly important info each time he was asked what's important. So our salesman needs to focus on showing John that he is getting a good price on a reliable car from a trusted advisor.
When you need to convince someone first you should establish rapport. The easiest way to do that is to ask some questions about things important to that person. Some people go after rapport by starting with stuff like "how do you like this weather?" A great way to establish rapport is to share some detail from your own life first.
"John you should have been with me last week at the golf range! I was hitting them long and straight!"
"My daughter just got the lead in the school play!"
People usually respond with instant liking for you when you share a detail from your life. Once you have conversed for awhile (small talk?) then you can get to the elicitation stage.
"Boss-what's important to you about how my sales job is performed?" What else? What else?
Surveys are formalized attempts at criteria elicitation. Once you know someone's criteria then you have the roadmap to structure your persuasion attempts. By focusing on their criteria you will be seen as perceptive, insightful and caring!
"Honey what's valuable to you in a relationship" What else? What else?
Structure your communication to take advantage of the criteria that you have elicited and you'll always come out a winner!
Any Questions?
John M. Satterfield
Lets say that you are needing to convince someone to do something, accept something, or behave in a certain way. You will need to communicate with their powerful subconscious (SC) to get your desired agreement. Once a person's subconscious "buys in" to what you are proposing they will just naturally seem to come over to your way of thinking. The question then becomes "how do I get my message to the person's subconscious?"
Here's your answer-elicit their true criteria. Simply put, ask. Try this one:
SALESMAN: John, what's important to you when shopping for a new car?
JOHN: Well I like to know that the person I'm dealing with is honest.
SALESMAN: Yes honesty is the best policy. What else is valuable to you when you are making the decision about a car?
JOHN: I like to know the car has a high reliability rating from Consumer Reports.
SALESMAN: An unreliable car is not an acceptable situation. What else is important john?
JOHN: I want to know that I got a really good price.
In the above can you put John's criteria in order of importance? If you chose 3, 2, 1 you were right! Our hypnotically trained sales man knew to ask at least three times what was really important or valuable. He agreed and parroted each answer so that John's SC would react to him as a friend (rapport). John's SC would give increasingly important info each time he was asked what's important. So our salesman needs to focus on showing John that he is getting a good price on a reliable car from a trusted advisor.
When you need to convince someone first you should establish rapport. The easiest way to do that is to ask some questions about things important to that person. Some people go after rapport by starting with stuff like "how do you like this weather?" A great way to establish rapport is to share some detail from your own life first.
"John you should have been with me last week at the golf range! I was hitting them long and straight!"
"My daughter just got the lead in the school play!"
People usually respond with instant liking for you when you share a detail from your life. Once you have conversed for awhile (small talk?) then you can get to the elicitation stage.
"Boss-what's important to you about how my sales job is performed?" What else? What else?
Surveys are formalized attempts at criteria elicitation. Once you know someone's criteria then you have the roadmap to structure your persuasion attempts. By focusing on their criteria you will be seen as perceptive, insightful and caring!
"Honey what's valuable to you in a relationship" What else? What else?
Structure your communication to take advantage of the criteria that you have elicited and you'll always come out a winner!
Any Questions?
John M. Satterfield
Saturday, May 16, 2009
7 Effective Ways To Set Your Goals In Motion Today
1. Stop seeking approval from people
You don't need anyone's permission to fulfill your dream. Trust yourself and give yourself permission to succeed. Having support from people whose opinion you value is a wonderful thing but it should not be the criterion for whether you begin acting on fulfilling your goals or not
If you really desire to turn your idea into reality, constantly floating it around and seeking the approval of people will waste your time and kill your dream. What will happen to your idea if you don't get the approval of those whose permission you so desperately need? Nothing!
2. Don't wait for perfection
Waiting for a time when everything is perfect and in place will cause you to lose your enthusiasm and abandon your goal. Conditions may never be as perfect as you desire. You may never have all the money, time, or knowledge you desire to begin working on your goals.
You must take risks, learn and improve as you go along and then watch as everything begins to fall in place. If you have to wait for the perfect time to begin working on your goals?you will be waiting a long time!
3. Create time for the goal
Many people have dreams, ideas or goals, which remain unfulfilled because they are too busy doing everything else but work on the goal! If you have a goal to accomplish, you must be ready to invest your time, and resources to ensure that it succeeds.
Making excuses about lacking the time to work on goals that are important to you is a procrastination tactic, which will kill your dream before it has a chance to see the light of day. There is always time to work on what we love and consider important. Create that time and see your dreams begin to unfold!
4. Decide once and for all
The process of goal accomplishment, like most things in life begins with a decision. You decide what you want to achieve and then you plan how you intend to achieve it.
If accomplishing your goal is important to you, your inability to make crucial decisions about what you should do, how you should do it and when you should do it, will waste your time and choke your dream. Make up your mind and stop second-guessing yourself. When your mind is made up?nothing can stop you from making progress with fulfilling your goals.
5. Be bold and take the initiative
Be bold! You are the one in charge of turning your dreams to reality. You need to be proactive and actively involved in the process of working on your goals to ensure you achieve them.
Just because you have shared your ideas with others does not necessarily mean that you are no longer responsible for turning them to reality. Don't sit around waiting for others to make suggestions and guide your idea to reality. Don't leave your dream entirely in the hands of others. Nobody cares about your dream like you do.
6. Invest in your dream
No idea is self-funding. Don't be deceived into thinking that people will invest or finance your idea just because it is brilliant. If you are lucky, someone may invest in it, but if you are not, you will have to invest your time, energy and finances towards activities that will fortify and fulfill your dream.
You may have to invest in the acquisition of knowledge or expertise that will help you achieve your goals. It would be a good idea to keep some money stashed away to finance your goal.
7. Do one thing at a time
Commit yourself only to projects and activities which are connected to your main goal. Whatever you do should directly or indirectly add up to a move toward your main goal. Failure to do this will confuse, overwhelm, sidetrack, and drain your energy.
To get started on achieving your goals, you need to plan for it and make it a priority. If you keep crowding and cluttering your life with what does not matter, you many never, ever accomplish your goals.
Remember that you can't do all things, but you can do one thing!
Caroline Jalango
You don't need anyone's permission to fulfill your dream. Trust yourself and give yourself permission to succeed. Having support from people whose opinion you value is a wonderful thing but it should not be the criterion for whether you begin acting on fulfilling your goals or not
If you really desire to turn your idea into reality, constantly floating it around and seeking the approval of people will waste your time and kill your dream. What will happen to your idea if you don't get the approval of those whose permission you so desperately need? Nothing!
2. Don't wait for perfection
Waiting for a time when everything is perfect and in place will cause you to lose your enthusiasm and abandon your goal. Conditions may never be as perfect as you desire. You may never have all the money, time, or knowledge you desire to begin working on your goals.
You must take risks, learn and improve as you go along and then watch as everything begins to fall in place. If you have to wait for the perfect time to begin working on your goals?you will be waiting a long time!
3. Create time for the goal
Many people have dreams, ideas or goals, which remain unfulfilled because they are too busy doing everything else but work on the goal! If you have a goal to accomplish, you must be ready to invest your time, and resources to ensure that it succeeds.
Making excuses about lacking the time to work on goals that are important to you is a procrastination tactic, which will kill your dream before it has a chance to see the light of day. There is always time to work on what we love and consider important. Create that time and see your dreams begin to unfold!
4. Decide once and for all
The process of goal accomplishment, like most things in life begins with a decision. You decide what you want to achieve and then you plan how you intend to achieve it.
If accomplishing your goal is important to you, your inability to make crucial decisions about what you should do, how you should do it and when you should do it, will waste your time and choke your dream. Make up your mind and stop second-guessing yourself. When your mind is made up?nothing can stop you from making progress with fulfilling your goals.
5. Be bold and take the initiative
Be bold! You are the one in charge of turning your dreams to reality. You need to be proactive and actively involved in the process of working on your goals to ensure you achieve them.
Just because you have shared your ideas with others does not necessarily mean that you are no longer responsible for turning them to reality. Don't sit around waiting for others to make suggestions and guide your idea to reality. Don't leave your dream entirely in the hands of others. Nobody cares about your dream like you do.
6. Invest in your dream
No idea is self-funding. Don't be deceived into thinking that people will invest or finance your idea just because it is brilliant. If you are lucky, someone may invest in it, but if you are not, you will have to invest your time, energy and finances towards activities that will fortify and fulfill your dream.
You may have to invest in the acquisition of knowledge or expertise that will help you achieve your goals. It would be a good idea to keep some money stashed away to finance your goal.
7. Do one thing at a time
Commit yourself only to projects and activities which are connected to your main goal. Whatever you do should directly or indirectly add up to a move toward your main goal. Failure to do this will confuse, overwhelm, sidetrack, and drain your energy.
To get started on achieving your goals, you need to plan for it and make it a priority. If you keep crowding and cluttering your life with what does not matter, you many never, ever accomplish your goals.
Remember that you can't do all things, but you can do one thing!
Caroline Jalango
Friday, May 8, 2009
10 Attributes of Effective Strategic Leaders!
Did you know that people who lead strategically resemble fine-tuned machines? By focusing on their strategies, leaders see a bigger picture, they understand the reasons why and recognize the worthiness of elusive opportunities.
Effective leaders make strategic use of and add value to every challenge in four important ways:
1) Thinking through the lessons to be learned in each situation;
2) Leveraging the available sources, imports and exports of energy;
3) Boosting weak, diffused signals and messages of meaning;
4) Sharpening the leading edge of innovative efforts - their people.
What are these attributes of strategic leaders? Let's describe those functions by comparing them with common mechanical devices:
* Engine - converting one energy source into a greater or more focused source of energy;
* Pump - concentrating and directing a source of energy in such a way as to provide a focal point for the user of that energy;
* Processor - manipulation of energy in such a way as to make a value, logic or null based decision to channel that original energy source;
* Channel - a directing of or being a conduit for energy without adding or enhancing that energy source in any appreciable way;
* Amplifier - the expansion of energy by using methods of analysis in such a way so as to increase or strengthen the original energy source;
* Filter - maintaining smooth, stable, unpolluted flows of energy through the cleansing, clarifying process of open and honest communications
* Catalyst - that which encourages and facilitates speedy, significant course changes or positive actions
* Transformer - the conversion of energy into another form so as to increase or enhance the magnitude of the original energy source;
* Synthesizer - combining or composing the elements of an energy source in such a way as to create a new or greater whole form of energy;
* Carburetor - mixing or combining a supply of energy in such a way as to facilitate a more powerful or effective use of that energy source.
Making skilled use of leadership in these suggested roles could improve, energize and empower the success of your strategic planning process. By being mechanical you could become an instrument which enables energy flows.
Remember energy can not be created and it can not be destroyed. However, energy can be re-directed, converted into new forms or released into the environment and become another form of energy.
You could also think of using these mechanical processes to develop, train and nurture the leadership behaviors, skills and competencies of your people.
"Dreams grow holy put in action; work grows fair through starry dreaming, But where each flows on unmingling, both are fruitless and in vain." - Adelaide Anne Procter
Are you using your planning process to energize and electrify the commitment of your people to imaginatively exploit the opportunities of change? Leaders help transform dreams into holy action and energizing, empowering work products.
Be that strategic leader who empowers others to be proud of and enjoy the fruits of their labors!
Bill Thomas
Effective leaders make strategic use of and add value to every challenge in four important ways:
1) Thinking through the lessons to be learned in each situation;
2) Leveraging the available sources, imports and exports of energy;
3) Boosting weak, diffused signals and messages of meaning;
4) Sharpening the leading edge of innovative efforts - their people.
What are these attributes of strategic leaders? Let's describe those functions by comparing them with common mechanical devices:
* Engine - converting one energy source into a greater or more focused source of energy;
* Pump - concentrating and directing a source of energy in such a way as to provide a focal point for the user of that energy;
* Processor - manipulation of energy in such a way as to make a value, logic or null based decision to channel that original energy source;
* Channel - a directing of or being a conduit for energy without adding or enhancing that energy source in any appreciable way;
* Amplifier - the expansion of energy by using methods of analysis in such a way so as to increase or strengthen the original energy source;
* Filter - maintaining smooth, stable, unpolluted flows of energy through the cleansing, clarifying process of open and honest communications
* Catalyst - that which encourages and facilitates speedy, significant course changes or positive actions
* Transformer - the conversion of energy into another form so as to increase or enhance the magnitude of the original energy source;
* Synthesizer - combining or composing the elements of an energy source in such a way as to create a new or greater whole form of energy;
* Carburetor - mixing or combining a supply of energy in such a way as to facilitate a more powerful or effective use of that energy source.
Making skilled use of leadership in these suggested roles could improve, energize and empower the success of your strategic planning process. By being mechanical you could become an instrument which enables energy flows.
Remember energy can not be created and it can not be destroyed. However, energy can be re-directed, converted into new forms or released into the environment and become another form of energy.
You could also think of using these mechanical processes to develop, train and nurture the leadership behaviors, skills and competencies of your people.
"Dreams grow holy put in action; work grows fair through starry dreaming, But where each flows on unmingling, both are fruitless and in vain." - Adelaide Anne Procter
Are you using your planning process to energize and electrify the commitment of your people to imaginatively exploit the opportunities of change? Leaders help transform dreams into holy action and energizing, empowering work products.
Be that strategic leader who empowers others to be proud of and enjoy the fruits of their labors!
Bill Thomas
Friday, May 1, 2009
10 Coaching Tips for Powerful Presentations
Tip #1: The purpose of your speech is to get results
Help people make changes and think or act differently. So start with the end in mind. What do you want people to do as a result of your speech? What do they need to know to do this? What do they need to feel to do this?
Tip #2: Show your audience that coaching is a process
It is different from consulting. Do some coaching (role playing) during your presentation. Let audience members see what it would be like to have you as their coach.
Tip #3: Determine what kind of coaching the client wants and needs
Interview a few people before you give your program to find out what challenges they are experiencing. The program chair can provide you with a few names to contact. Then use this information in your speech content.
Tip #4: People learn in three ways: Visual (what they can see), Auditory (what they can hear), and Kinesthetic (what they can touch)
Try to include all three ways in your speech. Most of your audience will be visual and need to "see" what they "hear" from you. So tell your personal stories to support your points. When the audience hears your story(ies) they will feel connected to you.
Tip #5: People have short attention spans
Review your main points before you end your speech. Don't give them too much information. Most people only remember one or two concepts - so provide your best one or two ideas that will have the most significance to that particular audience.
Tip #6: Be conversational by engaging the audience
Don't lecture the audience. Adults love to learn but don't like to think they are in school. Be interactive. Remember, the audience that gets involved with your material will learn something they can use immediately. A great speaker wants the audience to "own" his/her material.
Tip #7: Use humor
This keeps the audience interested and they learn better. I don't mean telling jokes. Use deprecating humor or make comments on common every day events, you know, the human condition. Bill Cosby is great at this. Think of others who do this well and emulate their style.
Tip #8: Use strong openings
Examples: a story, a significant statement, a quotation, a challenging question. You really only have 60 seconds to connect with your audience. Then you must provide a speech that engages them. Using personal stories and sprinkling your remarks with humor will keep them interested
Tip #9: Use Strong Closings
Examples: Provide a summary. (Tell 'em what you told them) Review the main points, make a statement, tell an anecdote. Finally challenge them to take some action . . . immediately, in the next 48 hours, in one week, by the end of the year.
Tip #10: Use an evaluation form
This will provide you with feedback to grow and make course corrections as needed. Keep it short and always ask, "Who else would benefit from this program?" "May I call you to get this information?" Then follow up.
Sandra Schrift
Help people make changes and think or act differently. So start with the end in mind. What do you want people to do as a result of your speech? What do they need to know to do this? What do they need to feel to do this?
Tip #2: Show your audience that coaching is a process
It is different from consulting. Do some coaching (role playing) during your presentation. Let audience members see what it would be like to have you as their coach.
Tip #3: Determine what kind of coaching the client wants and needs
Interview a few people before you give your program to find out what challenges they are experiencing. The program chair can provide you with a few names to contact. Then use this information in your speech content.
Tip #4: People learn in three ways: Visual (what they can see), Auditory (what they can hear), and Kinesthetic (what they can touch)
Try to include all three ways in your speech. Most of your audience will be visual and need to "see" what they "hear" from you. So tell your personal stories to support your points. When the audience hears your story(ies) they will feel connected to you.
Tip #5: People have short attention spans
Review your main points before you end your speech. Don't give them too much information. Most people only remember one or two concepts - so provide your best one or two ideas that will have the most significance to that particular audience.
Tip #6: Be conversational by engaging the audience
Don't lecture the audience. Adults love to learn but don't like to think they are in school. Be interactive. Remember, the audience that gets involved with your material will learn something they can use immediately. A great speaker wants the audience to "own" his/her material.
Tip #7: Use humor
This keeps the audience interested and they learn better. I don't mean telling jokes. Use deprecating humor or make comments on common every day events, you know, the human condition. Bill Cosby is great at this. Think of others who do this well and emulate their style.
Tip #8: Use strong openings
Examples: a story, a significant statement, a quotation, a challenging question. You really only have 60 seconds to connect with your audience. Then you must provide a speech that engages them. Using personal stories and sprinkling your remarks with humor will keep them interested
Tip #9: Use Strong Closings
Examples: Provide a summary. (Tell 'em what you told them) Review the main points, make a statement, tell an anecdote. Finally challenge them to take some action . . . immediately, in the next 48 hours, in one week, by the end of the year.
Tip #10: Use an evaluation form
This will provide you with feedback to grow and make course corrections as needed. Keep it short and always ask, "Who else would benefit from this program?" "May I call you to get this information?" Then follow up.
Sandra Schrift
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