We all find ourselves at certain points in our lives holding first class tickets to negative mental trains of thought. Michele Wahlder (MS, LPC, PCC), a two-time cancer survivor and Dallas, Texas-based Certified Life Coach and Psychotherapist, has placed thousands of people on the right track to self-empowerment via a plan she calls the 5 C Process.
The journey challenges individuals to:
1. Clarify Current View – Where are you now- honestly?
Conscious awareness of your current view is the first step in becoming the best you can be. Getting clear about how your life aligns with your values, talents and unique gifts is vital to your happiness. You need to know where you are in order to learn where you want to go.
You can clarify your current view by completing a review of eight life areas. Be honest with yourself about how happy are you with your profession, finances, health and overall well-being, primary relationships, personal development, spirituality, environment, hobbies, etc.
2. Connect with Your Highest Vision – Where do you want to be?
Example: A client of mine, a yoga instructor, decided she was happy teaching but wanted to contribute to the world on a larger level. She wasn’t happy with the quality of the yoga clothing that was accessible to her and her fellow yogis. Her vision was to design and create fun, hip and timeless yoga clothes using eco-conscious fabrics.
You have to get really clear about what you want. It is crucial that you connect to your highest vision of yourself because you can’t create it unless you are clear about what it looks like. If you don’t have a vision of where you want to go or what you want to be, you will most likely NOT get there. To quote Henrietta Klauser, “If you have a connection to what you want, take the next step and write it down.” If you don’t have any idea about what you want, or how you want to be in life to bring about greater happiness, begin looking through magazines and create a Vision Board/Collage of what attracts you.
You may also want to consider getting an outside perspective from a friend or a professional coach. I take my clients through a guided imagery that gives them a glimpse of what their future could look like. There are also books that can help guide you. Just get help assessing your talents, divine gifts and abilities and then determine how you want to use them more fully in the world. We can’t help others as fully, if we are not aware of how we can best serve. So instead of thinking of it as selfish to engage in knowing yourself better, I would suggest you consider it selfish to hold back and not be the best you can be. Only in this way, can we help the world and others.
3. Create Inspiring Goals – How will you get there?
Example: My client created a tiered plan of what needed to happen step by step – outer goal. All of this was influenced by her inner goal of keeping a measured pace and a balanced life. Her goal was to enjoy the process.
You have to create a plan and take specific actions to get you from where you are now to where you want to be. When most people write goals, they just write a list of action steps, usually external actions. I believe it is more powerful to have inner and outer goals. An outer goal is what you want. For instance, you might think, “I want a new house”. An inner goal is more focused on the how. How will a new home benefit me and my family? Will it offer more common gathering areas, a larger kitchen so that we can cook together, etc.? How can I appreciate what I have now until I get this home? How can I make this a joyful experience rather than a stressful one?
If you can not be grateful for what you have now, then when you get a new home, it will only create very short-term happiness for you. Then, you will be focused on the next external illusion of happiness. For 2009, I suggest taking at least three of the life areas I mentioned earlier and jot down how you could benefit from living your highest vision in each area. Next, add action steps toward your desired achievements along with completion dates.
4. Clear Obstacles – How will you remove obstacles in your way?
We all have dreams and visions for our life, but frankly, there are many things that can get in the way. The two most common obstacles I see with my clients are:
The inability to say NO— In order to bridge the gap from your current view to your highest vision, you have to make room for what “Could Be”. If your life is full and you want to add more of the things that are truly important in your life, you should start the change process by making room first. You must say no to some things in your life, so you can say yes to what is most important. You have to give up the destructive habits, behaviors and activities to make room for new ones.
A metaphor would be a water hose watering a flowering plant. The water in the hose is your life force and the flowering plant is what you are trying to grow in your life. If the water hose has leaks, it will not have enough water or life force/energy to reach its desired outcome or vision (to grow the plant into full bloom). Examples of leaks might include toxic friendships, unrealistic expectations, watching too much television, eating sugar, overspending, negative relational patterns with your spouse or working on an outdated job.
Example: A client’s obstacle here was that her 8-year-old daughter needed caring for and she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to be a good mother plus jumpstart a successful, new business. We remedied this issue by getting clear on the proper definition of a good mother. Also, practically speaking, she needed help picking up her daughter from school. So she got her husband to assist her in this area so she would have time to create this new business.
Negative self-talk—Research shows we have approximately 50,000 internal messages we say to ourselves daily. We are constantly walking around having conversations with ourselves. And it is what we say that makes all the difference in the overall quality of our lives.
Example: I was once in Starbucks, and I watched this woman spill her coffee while reaching for a sugar packet and I heard her say out loud, “I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I did that.”
Now, I just happen to hear her, but this is an example of something you might say internally as well. You might think, “No big deal. I say things like this to myself all the time.” Well, IT IS A BIG DEAL as our subconscious hears these messages and acts on them as if they were real. Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t want someone else saying to you.
Think of self-talk like mental fuel. Now, imagine filling your car with dirty water. We all know you wouldn’t get very far. Now, take that same car and fill it with high quality gasoline. You’ll most likely reach your destination. It is the same with people and the words we use. If the words are negative and toxic, we will sputter along with low energy and our performance suffers. If our words are positive and tender, we will feel confident, energized, encouraged and will most likely meet our goals faster and easier.
Here are some key things to remember if you ever find yourself preparing to board the train of BAD self-talk:
B– stands for belittling self-talk.
Stop telling yourself, “I am not good enough.” If your dream is to have a healthy self-confidence, which of the following examples is more likely to get your there:
A. “I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I did that.”
B. “Whoops, mistakes happen.”
Can you see how the Answer B is much kinder?
A – stands for awfulizing.
Stop predicting a future filled with gloom and doom, and dwelling on scary thoughts. If you dream of obtaining a career you love, which of the following will move you closer to your vision: A. “I did terribly on my interview, I’ll never find a job I like.”
B. “I will answer that question on past employment differently next time and I will ace it! I know I will one day have the job I love.”
Can you see how Answer B places you in the mindset of a successful job search?
D – stands for deceiving.
This is when you deceive yourself into thinking you are a victim, and that other people are to blame for your circumstances. If we want a happy relationship which will of the below responses will aid in achieving this goal:
A. “If my spouse would only do more around the house, then I would be happy.”
B. “I can and will choose happiness today, no matter what my spouse does.”
Answer B is the right choice, wouldn’t you agree?
S – stands for shoulding.
This is when you give yourself a lot of shoulds, musts, and ought tos, then beat yourself up for not living up to unrealistic standards. Say your dream is to be in top physical condition, which will further that:
A. “I should have eaten a salad for lunch instead of that big ol’ hamburger. I’m such a pig!”
B. “I could have eaten a salad, but I chose not to. Tomorrow I will make healthier choices.”
The second choice is so much more inspiring, don’t you think?
5. Commit to Action – Are you willing to do what it takes?
The final step of the 5 C Process is to commit to action. How many times have we all made plans and never carried them out, or started off excited and lost motivation? No one ever does anything great alone. We all need encouragement and support from others including an accountability partner who is willing to help hold the vision of the person you want to be.
In the previous example of my client, her biggest negative self-talk was how to be a good mom and a good business woman. Her thoughts were, “If I don’t pick up my child every day from school, I am a bad mother.” Instead, we replaced it with, “Picking up my child from school daily is not what makes me a good mother. I am, indeed, a fabulous mother.”
Here are the four action steps that have been proven to help you eliminate your negative self talk:
• Become aware of your negative messages –listen to voice in head
• Stop! You have to stop immediately if you find yourself dwelling on any negative thoughts
• Replace negative thoughts with a kinder alternatives
• Practice. It takes a commitment of time in order to turn a pattern of negative thinking into a more positive train of thought.
Michele Wahlder
Friday, February 27, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
When Life Gives You Waves, Learn to S.U.R.F
Would you like to learn a skill set and technique so powerful that you could learn to recycle every failure, disappointment, setback and discouraging situation into a steppingstone for your success? Would you like to go into every situation with confidence knowing you will have the skills to convert it into an experience with a positive benefit?
Imagine skilled and highly trained fighters going into a difficult and scary situation. They don't go looking for it, but when it comes, they are ready and prepared. They realize it will probably be very painful and even scary, but with their training and developed skill set, their odds are favorable.
You have an opportunity to use the same approach to adversities and difficulties entering our lives. We don't go looking for adversity; it finds us. We can't necessarily avoid pain or suffering, but if we use our training, we have a better chance for survival and eventually find some benefit or lesson we can take and claim a victory.
Change, difficulties and adversity will happen. Your only point of control is the surfing skill set you develop to adapt and make the best out of whatever comes your way. It is not really what happens to you that matters as much as your response to what happens. Your response determines your outcome. Think of change and adversity as waves of the ocean, then consider your response to those waves. Success is not necessarily in your talents and abilities, but in the choices you make in application to the waves. You can't change or fight the wave. Your only real choice is to adapt to it.
Apply the S.U.R.F. Strategy? to Make the Best of the Waves. The S.U.R.F. Strategy is a simple, quick strategy to adapt and positively respond to whatever waves come your way. This keeps your attitude as an ally working for you rather than an adversary working against you. You cannot control the waves; you can only control your response and develop the skills to adapt to whatever comes your way.
The S.U.R.F. strategy involves four steps:
1. Survey the Situation
When you are tumbled by a wave (adversity), you have to regain your bearing and figure out exactly where you are. Leave emotion behind and survey your situation. What new opportunities might be found or developed? Now is the opportunity to create a new plan. It might be tempting to get caught up in the heat of the moment and feel like you are without options. Take a step back to gain perspective. With an understanding of where you are and what choices you have, you can make the most of the opportunities.
2. Understand Your Options
After you know where you are, begin to assess options for moving forward. Focus only on solutions. After you survey your situation, it's time to make way for positive solutions and options. Ask questions like: "What can I gain?" or "What contacts can I make?" Maintain a positive outlook regardless of the situation - even if you do not immediately see the opportunity. Stay focused on the outcome you want and where you want to go.
Look optimistically for creative ways to use the situation for good - don't lament your misfortune. The opportunity may be hidden. Learn to look for it. This is a creative success habit, and it only comes with practice. Become an opportunity farmer. Look for the hidden benefits behind each change and every situation.
3. Respond Based on Your Goals
Now assess the options in front of you. Some may be better than others. Some may be more complicated or difficult to see. Weigh the pros and cons of each option. You might find your best option right now is to persist in your current situation. You may find yourself riding a wave bigger than you think you can handle. It may be a wild ride, but at least it will be interesting.
Remember, you always have choices. The only thing you can control is your attitude. Regardless of the wave, you have the power to choose. Make sure your response is in line with your goals.
4. Forward Focus in Action and Attitude
You can't surf yesterday's wave. The past is the past. Now it is time to think creatively toward the future. Take positive action. Don't let things happen to you. Create the conditions and outcomes you seek! Now that you are surfing the wave, maintain focus on where you want to go and what you want to do. Maintain a vivid mental image of your successful future finding ways to keep taking action in that direction.
When Bad Surf Happens to Good Surfers
As you surf life's waves, you will see good waves and bad ones. You will have some awesome rides and some gnarly wipe outs. You will meet fellow surfers who want to help you out and those who would rather beat you down. There will be sunny days to enjoy the beach. There will also be storms that take away your enjoyment and opportunity as the sea becomes unstable and unsuitable for your purposes. Injustice, rude people, hardships, difficulties and even some bad things will happen in your life. We cannot control those. The only thing we can control is our attitude and the actions we choose to take in response.
Living is not about playing it safe. Test yourself. Learn the full measure of your surfing ability. Do not hide from the waves. You can learn from both your great rides and your wipe outs. Opportunity does not come to the passive. Be active and create your opportunities. Sometimes opportunities only come through difficult situations. Adversity doesn't build character, it reveals it. How you choose to respond to adversity reveals your true character. Your true character is uncovered in the actions of your response and in the choices you make. Your character is revealed in the promises you keep and in the convictions you hold true. Ultimately, your character is a mirror of the guiding principles in your life. What you do and say reveal to the world who you are.
You Cannot Control the Weather
Neither you nor I can control the weather. We cannot control what it will be today and we cannot affect in any way what it will be tomorrow. It is what it is. The same weather will make some people joyous and others miserable. When there is a snow day that shuts down everything, kids rejoice, while parents who need to miss work or scramble for child care do not. Rain is great when the farmers need it for the crops and devastating when the river peaks the levies. Hot sunny days are fantastic for people to enjoy a picnic, yet miserable when you are in the field working.
Weather in itself is neither good nor bad. It is up to us in our decision of how we choose to weather our personal storms and whether they leave us stronger and more resolute or weakened and cowering until the next one. In the same way, adversities are going to come your way, just like the waves of the ocean. All you can really do about them is learn to surf . . . and convert challenges, difficulties and hardships into opportunities.
Frank F. Lunn
Imagine skilled and highly trained fighters going into a difficult and scary situation. They don't go looking for it, but when it comes, they are ready and prepared. They realize it will probably be very painful and even scary, but with their training and developed skill set, their odds are favorable.
You have an opportunity to use the same approach to adversities and difficulties entering our lives. We don't go looking for adversity; it finds us. We can't necessarily avoid pain or suffering, but if we use our training, we have a better chance for survival and eventually find some benefit or lesson we can take and claim a victory.
Change, difficulties and adversity will happen. Your only point of control is the surfing skill set you develop to adapt and make the best out of whatever comes your way. It is not really what happens to you that matters as much as your response to what happens. Your response determines your outcome. Think of change and adversity as waves of the ocean, then consider your response to those waves. Success is not necessarily in your talents and abilities, but in the choices you make in application to the waves. You can't change or fight the wave. Your only real choice is to adapt to it.
Apply the S.U.R.F. Strategy? to Make the Best of the Waves. The S.U.R.F. Strategy is a simple, quick strategy to adapt and positively respond to whatever waves come your way. This keeps your attitude as an ally working for you rather than an adversary working against you. You cannot control the waves; you can only control your response and develop the skills to adapt to whatever comes your way.
The S.U.R.F. strategy involves four steps:
1. Survey the Situation
When you are tumbled by a wave (adversity), you have to regain your bearing and figure out exactly where you are. Leave emotion behind and survey your situation. What new opportunities might be found or developed? Now is the opportunity to create a new plan. It might be tempting to get caught up in the heat of the moment and feel like you are without options. Take a step back to gain perspective. With an understanding of where you are and what choices you have, you can make the most of the opportunities.
2. Understand Your Options
After you know where you are, begin to assess options for moving forward. Focus only on solutions. After you survey your situation, it's time to make way for positive solutions and options. Ask questions like: "What can I gain?" or "What contacts can I make?" Maintain a positive outlook regardless of the situation - even if you do not immediately see the opportunity. Stay focused on the outcome you want and where you want to go.
Look optimistically for creative ways to use the situation for good - don't lament your misfortune. The opportunity may be hidden. Learn to look for it. This is a creative success habit, and it only comes with practice. Become an opportunity farmer. Look for the hidden benefits behind each change and every situation.
3. Respond Based on Your Goals
Now assess the options in front of you. Some may be better than others. Some may be more complicated or difficult to see. Weigh the pros and cons of each option. You might find your best option right now is to persist in your current situation. You may find yourself riding a wave bigger than you think you can handle. It may be a wild ride, but at least it will be interesting.
Remember, you always have choices. The only thing you can control is your attitude. Regardless of the wave, you have the power to choose. Make sure your response is in line with your goals.
4. Forward Focus in Action and Attitude
You can't surf yesterday's wave. The past is the past. Now it is time to think creatively toward the future. Take positive action. Don't let things happen to you. Create the conditions and outcomes you seek! Now that you are surfing the wave, maintain focus on where you want to go and what you want to do. Maintain a vivid mental image of your successful future finding ways to keep taking action in that direction.
When Bad Surf Happens to Good Surfers
As you surf life's waves, you will see good waves and bad ones. You will have some awesome rides and some gnarly wipe outs. You will meet fellow surfers who want to help you out and those who would rather beat you down. There will be sunny days to enjoy the beach. There will also be storms that take away your enjoyment and opportunity as the sea becomes unstable and unsuitable for your purposes. Injustice, rude people, hardships, difficulties and even some bad things will happen in your life. We cannot control those. The only thing we can control is our attitude and the actions we choose to take in response.
Living is not about playing it safe. Test yourself. Learn the full measure of your surfing ability. Do not hide from the waves. You can learn from both your great rides and your wipe outs. Opportunity does not come to the passive. Be active and create your opportunities. Sometimes opportunities only come through difficult situations. Adversity doesn't build character, it reveals it. How you choose to respond to adversity reveals your true character. Your true character is uncovered in the actions of your response and in the choices you make. Your character is revealed in the promises you keep and in the convictions you hold true. Ultimately, your character is a mirror of the guiding principles in your life. What you do and say reveal to the world who you are.
You Cannot Control the Weather
Neither you nor I can control the weather. We cannot control what it will be today and we cannot affect in any way what it will be tomorrow. It is what it is. The same weather will make some people joyous and others miserable. When there is a snow day that shuts down everything, kids rejoice, while parents who need to miss work or scramble for child care do not. Rain is great when the farmers need it for the crops and devastating when the river peaks the levies. Hot sunny days are fantastic for people to enjoy a picnic, yet miserable when you are in the field working.
Weather in itself is neither good nor bad. It is up to us in our decision of how we choose to weather our personal storms and whether they leave us stronger and more resolute or weakened and cowering until the next one. In the same way, adversities are going to come your way, just like the waves of the ocean. All you can really do about them is learn to surf . . . and convert challenges, difficulties and hardships into opportunities.
Frank F. Lunn
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Awaken the Leader in You: 10 East Steps to Develop Your Leadership Skills
"The miracle power that elevates the few is to be found in their industry, application, and perseverance, under the promptings of a brave determined spirit." - Mark Twain
Many motivational experts like to say that leaders are made, not born. I would argue the exact opposite. I believe we are all natural born leaders, but have been deprogrammed along the way. As children, we were natural leaders - curious and humble, always hungry and thirsty for knowledge, with an incredibly vivid imagination; we knew exactly what we wanted, were persistent and determined in getting what we wanted, and had the ability to motivate, inspire, and influence everyone around us to help us in accomplishing our mission. So why is this so difficult to do as adults? What happened?
As children, over time, we got used to hearing, No, Don't, and Can't. No! Don't do this. Don't do that. You can't do this. You can't do that. No! Many of our parents told us to keep quiet and not disturb the adults by asking silly questions. This pattern continued into high school with our teachers telling us what we could do and couldn't do and what was possible. Then many of us got hit with the big one institutionalized formal education known as college or university. Unfortunately, the traditional educational system doesn't teach students how to become leaders; it teaches students how to become polite order takers for the corporate world. Instead of learning to become creative, independent, self-reliant, and think for themselves, most people learn how to obey and intelligently follow rules to keep the corporate machine humming.
Developing the Leader in you to live your highest life, then, requires a process of unlearning by self-remembering and self-honoring. Being an effective leader again will require you to be brave and unlock the door to your inner attic, where your childhood dreams lie, going inside to the heart. Based on my over ten years research in the area of human development and leadership, here are ten easy steps you can take to awaken the Leader in you and rekindle your passion for greatness.
1. Humility
Leadership starts with humility. To be a highly successful leader, you must first humble yourself like a little child and be willing to serve others. Nobody wants to follow someone who is arrogant. Be humble as a child, always curious, always hungry and thirsty for knowledge. For what is excellence but knowledge plus knowledge plus knowledge - always wanting to better yourself, always improving, always growing. When you are humble, you become genuinely interested in people because you want to learn from them. And because you want to learn and grow, you will be a far more effective listener, which is the #1 leadership communication tool. When people sense you are genuinely interested in them, and listening to them, they will naturally be interested in you and listen to what you have to say.
2. SWOT Yourself
SWOT is an acronym for Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats. Although it's a strategic management tool taught at Stanford and Harvard Business Schools and used by large multinationals, it can just as effectively be used in your own professional development as a leader. This is a useful key to gain access to self-knowledge, self-remembering, and self-honoring. Start by listing all your Strengths including your accomplishments. Then write down all your Weaknesses and what needs to be improved. Make sure to include any doubts, anxieties, fears, and worries that you may have. These are the demons and dragons guarding the door to your inner attic. By bringing them to conscious awareness you can begin to slay them. Then proceed by listing all the Opportunities you see available to you for using your strengths. Finally, write down all the Threats or obstacles that are currently blocking you or that you think you will encounter along the way to achieving your dreams.
3. Follow Your Bliss
Regardless of how busy you are, always take time to do what you love doing. Being an alive and vital person vitalizes others. When you are pursuing your passions, people around you cannot help but feel impassioned by your presence. This will make you a charismatic leader. Whatever it is that you enjoy doing, be it writing, acting, painting, drawing, photography, sports, reading, dancing, networking, or working on entrepreneurial ventures, set aside time every week, ideally two or three hours a day, to pursue these activities. Believe me, you'll find the time. If you were to video tape yourself for a day, you would be shocked to see how much time goes to waste!
4. Dream Big
If you want to be larger than life, you need a dream that's larger than life. Small dreams won't serve you or anyone else. It takes the same amount of time to dream small than it does to dream big. So be Big and be Bold! Write down your One Biggest Dream. The one that excites you the most. Remember, don't be small and realistic; be bold and unrealistic! Go for the Gold, the Pulitzer, the Nobel, the Oscar, the highest you can possibly achieve in your field. After you ve written down your dream, list every single reason why you CAN achieve your dream instead of worrying about why you can't.
5. Vision
Without a vision, we perish. If you can't see yourself winning that award and feel the tears of triumph streaming down your face, it's unlikely you will be able to lead yourself or others to victory. Visualize what it would be like accomplishing your dream. See it, smell it, taste it, hear it, feel it in your gut.
6. Perseverance
Victory belongs to those who want it the most and stay in it the longest. Now that you have a dream, make sure you take consistent action every day. I recommend doing at least 5 things every day that will move you closer to your dream.
7. Honor Your Word
Every time you break your word, you lose power. Successful leaders keep their word and their promises. You can accumulate all the toys and riches in the world, but you only have one reputation in life. Your word is gold. Honor it.
8. Get a Mentor
Find yourself a mentor. Preferably someone who has already achieved a high degree of success in your field. Don't be afraid to ask. You've got nothing to lose. Mentors.ca is an excellent mentoring website and a great resource for finding local mentoring programs. They even have a free personal profile you can fill out in order to potentially find you a suitable mentor. In addition to mentors, take time to study autobiographies of great leaders that you admire. Learn everything you can from their lives and model some of their successful behaviors.
9. Be Yourself
Use your relationships with mentors and your research on great leaders as models or reference points to work from, but never copy or imitate them like a parrot. Everyone has vastly different leadership styles. History books are filled with leaders who are soft-spoken, introverted, and quiet, all the way to the other extreme of being out- spoken, extroverted, and loud, and everything in between. A quiet and simple Gandhi or a soft-spoken peanut farmer named Jimmy Carter, who became president of the United States and won a Nobel Peace Prize, have been just as effective world leaders as a loud and flamboyant Churchill, or the tough leadership style employed by The Iron Lady, Margaret Thatcher. I admire Hemingway as a writer. But if I copy Hemingway, I'd be a second or third rate Hemingway, at best, instead of a first rate Sharif. Be yourself, your best self, always competing against yourself and bettering yourself, and you will become a first rate YOU instead of a second rate somebody else.
10. Give
Finally, be a giver. Leaders are givers. By giving, you activate a universal law as sound as gravity life gives to the giver, and takes from the taker. The more you give, the more you get. If you want more love, respect, support, and compassion, give love, give respect, give support, and give compassion. Be a mentor to others. Give back to your community. As a leader, the only way to get what you want, is by helping enough people get what they want first. As Sir Winston Churchill once said, "We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give."
Sharif Khan
Many motivational experts like to say that leaders are made, not born. I would argue the exact opposite. I believe we are all natural born leaders, but have been deprogrammed along the way. As children, we were natural leaders - curious and humble, always hungry and thirsty for knowledge, with an incredibly vivid imagination; we knew exactly what we wanted, were persistent and determined in getting what we wanted, and had the ability to motivate, inspire, and influence everyone around us to help us in accomplishing our mission. So why is this so difficult to do as adults? What happened?
As children, over time, we got used to hearing, No, Don't, and Can't. No! Don't do this. Don't do that. You can't do this. You can't do that. No! Many of our parents told us to keep quiet and not disturb the adults by asking silly questions. This pattern continued into high school with our teachers telling us what we could do and couldn't do and what was possible. Then many of us got hit with the big one institutionalized formal education known as college or university. Unfortunately, the traditional educational system doesn't teach students how to become leaders; it teaches students how to become polite order takers for the corporate world. Instead of learning to become creative, independent, self-reliant, and think for themselves, most people learn how to obey and intelligently follow rules to keep the corporate machine humming.
Developing the Leader in you to live your highest life, then, requires a process of unlearning by self-remembering and self-honoring. Being an effective leader again will require you to be brave and unlock the door to your inner attic, where your childhood dreams lie, going inside to the heart. Based on my over ten years research in the area of human development and leadership, here are ten easy steps you can take to awaken the Leader in you and rekindle your passion for greatness.
1. Humility
Leadership starts with humility. To be a highly successful leader, you must first humble yourself like a little child and be willing to serve others. Nobody wants to follow someone who is arrogant. Be humble as a child, always curious, always hungry and thirsty for knowledge. For what is excellence but knowledge plus knowledge plus knowledge - always wanting to better yourself, always improving, always growing. When you are humble, you become genuinely interested in people because you want to learn from them. And because you want to learn and grow, you will be a far more effective listener, which is the #1 leadership communication tool. When people sense you are genuinely interested in them, and listening to them, they will naturally be interested in you and listen to what you have to say.
2. SWOT Yourself
SWOT is an acronym for Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats. Although it's a strategic management tool taught at Stanford and Harvard Business Schools and used by large multinationals, it can just as effectively be used in your own professional development as a leader. This is a useful key to gain access to self-knowledge, self-remembering, and self-honoring. Start by listing all your Strengths including your accomplishments. Then write down all your Weaknesses and what needs to be improved. Make sure to include any doubts, anxieties, fears, and worries that you may have. These are the demons and dragons guarding the door to your inner attic. By bringing them to conscious awareness you can begin to slay them. Then proceed by listing all the Opportunities you see available to you for using your strengths. Finally, write down all the Threats or obstacles that are currently blocking you or that you think you will encounter along the way to achieving your dreams.
3. Follow Your Bliss
Regardless of how busy you are, always take time to do what you love doing. Being an alive and vital person vitalizes others. When you are pursuing your passions, people around you cannot help but feel impassioned by your presence. This will make you a charismatic leader. Whatever it is that you enjoy doing, be it writing, acting, painting, drawing, photography, sports, reading, dancing, networking, or working on entrepreneurial ventures, set aside time every week, ideally two or three hours a day, to pursue these activities. Believe me, you'll find the time. If you were to video tape yourself for a day, you would be shocked to see how much time goes to waste!
4. Dream Big
If you want to be larger than life, you need a dream that's larger than life. Small dreams won't serve you or anyone else. It takes the same amount of time to dream small than it does to dream big. So be Big and be Bold! Write down your One Biggest Dream. The one that excites you the most. Remember, don't be small and realistic; be bold and unrealistic! Go for the Gold, the Pulitzer, the Nobel, the Oscar, the highest you can possibly achieve in your field. After you ve written down your dream, list every single reason why you CAN achieve your dream instead of worrying about why you can't.
5. Vision
Without a vision, we perish. If you can't see yourself winning that award and feel the tears of triumph streaming down your face, it's unlikely you will be able to lead yourself or others to victory. Visualize what it would be like accomplishing your dream. See it, smell it, taste it, hear it, feel it in your gut.
6. Perseverance
Victory belongs to those who want it the most and stay in it the longest. Now that you have a dream, make sure you take consistent action every day. I recommend doing at least 5 things every day that will move you closer to your dream.
7. Honor Your Word
Every time you break your word, you lose power. Successful leaders keep their word and their promises. You can accumulate all the toys and riches in the world, but you only have one reputation in life. Your word is gold. Honor it.
8. Get a Mentor
Find yourself a mentor. Preferably someone who has already achieved a high degree of success in your field. Don't be afraid to ask. You've got nothing to lose. Mentors.ca is an excellent mentoring website and a great resource for finding local mentoring programs. They even have a free personal profile you can fill out in order to potentially find you a suitable mentor. In addition to mentors, take time to study autobiographies of great leaders that you admire. Learn everything you can from their lives and model some of their successful behaviors.
9. Be Yourself
Use your relationships with mentors and your research on great leaders as models or reference points to work from, but never copy or imitate them like a parrot. Everyone has vastly different leadership styles. History books are filled with leaders who are soft-spoken, introverted, and quiet, all the way to the other extreme of being out- spoken, extroverted, and loud, and everything in between. A quiet and simple Gandhi or a soft-spoken peanut farmer named Jimmy Carter, who became president of the United States and won a Nobel Peace Prize, have been just as effective world leaders as a loud and flamboyant Churchill, or the tough leadership style employed by The Iron Lady, Margaret Thatcher. I admire Hemingway as a writer. But if I copy Hemingway, I'd be a second or third rate Hemingway, at best, instead of a first rate Sharif. Be yourself, your best self, always competing against yourself and bettering yourself, and you will become a first rate YOU instead of a second rate somebody else.
10. Give
Finally, be a giver. Leaders are givers. By giving, you activate a universal law as sound as gravity life gives to the giver, and takes from the taker. The more you give, the more you get. If you want more love, respect, support, and compassion, give love, give respect, give support, and give compassion. Be a mentor to others. Give back to your community. As a leader, the only way to get what you want, is by helping enough people get what they want first. As Sir Winston Churchill once said, "We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give."
Sharif Khan
Friday, February 6, 2009
In Sales - Here's News You Can Use
Here's an idea on how to make reading the daily newspaper a source for new selling ideas. Make it a point to identify at least one thing that you can use in your business whenever you read the newspaper. There is always great stuff in the sports and business section of most newspapers. Here are some examples.
Blazing Fast
The words "Blazing Fast" were used in an advertisement. If one of the benefits of your product relates to speed why not kick it up a notch by describing it as "Blazing Fast."
Small Steps Big Impact
In an article that talked about fair trade organizations, the headline was "Small Steps Big Impact." Couldn't that be reworked to say, "When working with new customers we like to take small steps that create a big impact." Then proceed to give you potential customer some examples.
Speedy Adjustments
In yesterday's sports section there was an article with the headline, "Speedy adjustments." If it fits your business you could probably work "Speedy adjustments" into your sales presentation.
Has your company ever dropped the ball? Have you ever experienced delays with new product launches? Have you ever had to deal with products that didn't live up to everybody's expectations? Sure who hasn't.
Rebounds
In today's paper there was a headline "Martha Stewart Living rebounds." When the problem(s) is fixed you might consider using the word "Rebounds" in your sales presentation to your customer base.
Sprouts
If your company is planning to announce new product introductions you might be able to take a lesson from this headline in today's business section. "Apple sprouts 4 NEW iPods."
Sales Inspiration
In today's sports section there was an article about baseball Hall Of Famer, Johnny Bench, who's coming to Sarasota to give a speech. The article mentioned how his father told his son that learning how to catch was the shortest route to the major leagues. He also had his son practice throwing 250 feet, from a crouch position, which was more than twice the distance from home plate to second base.
Johnny Bench would later claim he could throw out any runner alive. If you're in sales you should be able to get a little inspiration from Johnny Bench's practice routine. What could you prepare and practice that would give you that level of self-confidence?
The world is filled with ideas you can use to grow your business but you have to keep your eyes open to avoid missing them.
Yes indeed - there is news you can use, in your business, in your daily newspaper.
Jim Meisenheimer
Blazing Fast
The words "Blazing Fast" were used in an advertisement. If one of the benefits of your product relates to speed why not kick it up a notch by describing it as "Blazing Fast."
Small Steps Big Impact
In an article that talked about fair trade organizations, the headline was "Small Steps Big Impact." Couldn't that be reworked to say, "When working with new customers we like to take small steps that create a big impact." Then proceed to give you potential customer some examples.
Speedy Adjustments
In yesterday's sports section there was an article with the headline, "Speedy adjustments." If it fits your business you could probably work "Speedy adjustments" into your sales presentation.
Has your company ever dropped the ball? Have you ever experienced delays with new product launches? Have you ever had to deal with products that didn't live up to everybody's expectations? Sure who hasn't.
Rebounds
In today's paper there was a headline "Martha Stewart Living rebounds." When the problem(s) is fixed you might consider using the word "Rebounds" in your sales presentation to your customer base.
Sprouts
If your company is planning to announce new product introductions you might be able to take a lesson from this headline in today's business section. "Apple sprouts 4 NEW iPods."
Sales Inspiration
In today's sports section there was an article about baseball Hall Of Famer, Johnny Bench, who's coming to Sarasota to give a speech. The article mentioned how his father told his son that learning how to catch was the shortest route to the major leagues. He also had his son practice throwing 250 feet, from a crouch position, which was more than twice the distance from home plate to second base.
Johnny Bench would later claim he could throw out any runner alive. If you're in sales you should be able to get a little inspiration from Johnny Bench's practice routine. What could you prepare and practice that would give you that level of self-confidence?
The world is filled with ideas you can use to grow your business but you have to keep your eyes open to avoid missing them.
Yes indeed - there is news you can use, in your business, in your daily newspaper.
Jim Meisenheimer
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Managing Monsters in Meetings
Personal attacks hurt people, mar communication, and end creativity. If they become part of a meeting's culture, they drive the participants into making safe and perhaps useless contributions.
Approach 1: Speak to the group
Set the stage for the group to enforce its culture by making a general comment. Look at the middle of the group and say:
"Just a moment. Let's pause here to calm down. I can tell we're upset about this. And we want to find a fair solution for everyone." (Take slow deep breaths and relax to model calming down.)
After saying this, pause a moment to let the group respond. Often, someone else will support your request. Then continue as if everything were normal.
Avoid looking at the attacker when speaking to the group. Making eye contact acknowledges and returns power to the attacker.
Approach 2: Explore for the cause
Sometimes people throw insults from behind a fence of presumed safety. You can disrupt this illusion by saying:
"Chris, you seem upset with that."
"Pat, you seem to disagree."
"You seem to have reservations about this."
I realize these statements may sound like naive responses to an insult. However, such understated responses improve the situation because they sound less threatening, feel easier to deliver, and preserve the other person's self-esteem. Realize the attacker may have viewed the attack less seriously than it sounded.
These statements also transfer the focus from the target to the attacker's feelings. And this is what you need to talk about in order to resolve the dispute.
After you speak, continue to look at the attacker and wait for the person to talk about what caused the attack.
If the attack continues, interrupt with:
"Excuse me, we need to respect each other. And I wonder what makes you feel upset over this."
"Excuse me, we heard that. Now, what makes you feel that way?"
"Excuse me, I'm interested in hearing what your concerns are."
Approach 3: Call a break
If verbal approaches fail to end the attacks, then call a break or end the meeting. This will give you a chance to meet privately with the attacker, rewrite the agenda, rebuild communication, and (if appropriate) schedule another meeting without the attacker.
You could say,
"We seem to be at an impasse. I want to take a break so we can all calm down."
"This hostility makes it impossible to get any work done. So, I'm adjourning the meetings. We'll work on this later and then reconvene at another time."
Note that some people use anger to force others to cooperate with them. If you adjourn the meeting, you will have to meet with the attacker to resolve the conflict.
"We need to work on this outside of the meeting. So let's adjourn."
Use these techniques to restore a safe environment to your meeting.
Meetings are a forum for finding solutions, making decisions, and reaching agreements. When you apply these approaches to disruptions, you will maintain the productive environment necessary to accomplish your goals.
Steve Kaye
Approach 1: Speak to the group
Set the stage for the group to enforce its culture by making a general comment. Look at the middle of the group and say:
"Just a moment. Let's pause here to calm down. I can tell we're upset about this. And we want to find a fair solution for everyone." (Take slow deep breaths and relax to model calming down.)
After saying this, pause a moment to let the group respond. Often, someone else will support your request. Then continue as if everything were normal.
Avoid looking at the attacker when speaking to the group. Making eye contact acknowledges and returns power to the attacker.
Approach 2: Explore for the cause
Sometimes people throw insults from behind a fence of presumed safety. You can disrupt this illusion by saying:
"Chris, you seem upset with that."
"Pat, you seem to disagree."
"You seem to have reservations about this."
I realize these statements may sound like naive responses to an insult. However, such understated responses improve the situation because they sound less threatening, feel easier to deliver, and preserve the other person's self-esteem. Realize the attacker may have viewed the attack less seriously than it sounded.
These statements also transfer the focus from the target to the attacker's feelings. And this is what you need to talk about in order to resolve the dispute.
After you speak, continue to look at the attacker and wait for the person to talk about what caused the attack.
If the attack continues, interrupt with:
"Excuse me, we need to respect each other. And I wonder what makes you feel upset over this."
"Excuse me, we heard that. Now, what makes you feel that way?"
"Excuse me, I'm interested in hearing what your concerns are."
Approach 3: Call a break
If verbal approaches fail to end the attacks, then call a break or end the meeting. This will give you a chance to meet privately with the attacker, rewrite the agenda, rebuild communication, and (if appropriate) schedule another meeting without the attacker.
You could say,
"We seem to be at an impasse. I want to take a break so we can all calm down."
"This hostility makes it impossible to get any work done. So, I'm adjourning the meetings. We'll work on this later and then reconvene at another time."
Note that some people use anger to force others to cooperate with them. If you adjourn the meeting, you will have to meet with the attacker to resolve the conflict.
"We need to work on this outside of the meeting. So let's adjourn."
Use these techniques to restore a safe environment to your meeting.
Meetings are a forum for finding solutions, making decisions, and reaching agreements. When you apply these approaches to disruptions, you will maintain the productive environment necessary to accomplish your goals.
Steve Kaye
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Are you a Good Manager or a Great Leader?
Your word is your truth - Know that when you speak, you will fulfill your promise to others and others will know they can depend on you. Think before you speak. Under promise and over deliver. Always keep your promise.
Have a 'can do' attitude
Be cheerful and pleasant and cultivate an attitude of turning obstacles into opportunities. See the cup as half full instead of half empty. Do not focus on the problem, Focus on the solution. Think about all the good that can result from projects. Look for the good in others
Remember to say 'thank you'
Kind words go a long way. Acknowledge and appreciate people around you when they've done something of merit. People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. Do not take others for granted. Let people know how much you appreciate even the small things they do.
Practice the #1 rule of business
Remember to treat people as "they" want to be treated, not as you would like to be treated. This is crucial to being a leader. Everyone likes to be treated differently. Get to know how those around you like to be treated and respect their preferences. Discover the personalities of others and learn how they get encouraged.
Motivate others around you
Develop a strong interest in your staff and others around you. It's easier to motivate with encouragement, support and acknowledgments. Encourage others to go beyond their limits. Treat others as you know they can be, not as they are Ask others who their best boss was and why. Learn from that and motivate them the same way.
Empower and encourage others you know
Offer others public recognition and involve them in important work. Treat people like you know they can do the job. Have confidence in others to know they can get the job done. Express your appreciation when jobs are done to expectations. Encourage others to go beyond their limits and see what they create.
Share your vision and mission
Get staff engaged in an activity to meet goals and share the company's vision and mission. This will get others excited about future directions and will further motivate them to contribute to being a part of the end results. Articulate a clear vision to those around you. Let others know the mission and why you are doing what you do. Encourage others to be a part of your mission by involving them in the end result
Think creatively and don't stop at the obvious
Think about options available to you and envision the possibilities of bigger and better ways to do things. Develop the skill of having multiple options instead of settling for the easiest or fastest answer. Explore different possibilities and ask 'what if' questions. Discover new solutions for the old problems - don't take the easy way. When you think you have the answer, think of something else you can do to make it better.
Risk taking within reason by knowing high-risk and low-risk
Analyze risk. Know when risk taking is an intelligent move and when it shouldn't be considered. Form a team of individuals to run ideas by before taking large risks. Get a consensus from others when taking a risk. Practice 'analyze risk taking' by thinking through the whole process before proceeding. Know the possibilities of the outcome and the good and bad of the end results.
Stretch your creativity and encourage that in others
Continually stretch your creative powers by thinking outside the box. Stretch out into the unknown and discover better ways of doing things. Set this example for others. Stretch your way of thinking and encourage that in others. Keep learning new things and finding better ways of doing what you do. Be a role model in your creative thinking and see the difference it makes in others.
Have a passion for what you do and create a sense of purpose
Display passion for what you do. Ensure your words are congruent with your actions. Then follow the path of your goals. Focus on the end results and the purpose of your actions.
Love what you do and do what you love. Establish a sense of purpose and let your passion show through to others. Project into the future your long-term goal and desires. Share this vision with others
Create an environment of opportunity
Create an environment where you and others around you can grow. Discover infinite opportunities by thinking outside the box. Get creative!
Give others the opportunity to experience new things and different ways of doing things
Encourage continual learning and new skills. Produce a richer environment by working at peak performance at high levels
Good Luck on your journey of becoming a great leader!
Cheryl Vallejos
Have a 'can do' attitude
Be cheerful and pleasant and cultivate an attitude of turning obstacles into opportunities. See the cup as half full instead of half empty. Do not focus on the problem, Focus on the solution. Think about all the good that can result from projects. Look for the good in others
Remember to say 'thank you'
Kind words go a long way. Acknowledge and appreciate people around you when they've done something of merit. People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. Do not take others for granted. Let people know how much you appreciate even the small things they do.
Practice the #1 rule of business
Remember to treat people as "they" want to be treated, not as you would like to be treated. This is crucial to being a leader. Everyone likes to be treated differently. Get to know how those around you like to be treated and respect their preferences. Discover the personalities of others and learn how they get encouraged.
Motivate others around you
Develop a strong interest in your staff and others around you. It's easier to motivate with encouragement, support and acknowledgments. Encourage others to go beyond their limits. Treat others as you know they can be, not as they are Ask others who their best boss was and why. Learn from that and motivate them the same way.
Empower and encourage others you know
Offer others public recognition and involve them in important work. Treat people like you know they can do the job. Have confidence in others to know they can get the job done. Express your appreciation when jobs are done to expectations. Encourage others to go beyond their limits and see what they create.
Share your vision and mission
Get staff engaged in an activity to meet goals and share the company's vision and mission. This will get others excited about future directions and will further motivate them to contribute to being a part of the end results. Articulate a clear vision to those around you. Let others know the mission and why you are doing what you do. Encourage others to be a part of your mission by involving them in the end result
Think creatively and don't stop at the obvious
Think about options available to you and envision the possibilities of bigger and better ways to do things. Develop the skill of having multiple options instead of settling for the easiest or fastest answer. Explore different possibilities and ask 'what if' questions. Discover new solutions for the old problems - don't take the easy way. When you think you have the answer, think of something else you can do to make it better.
Risk taking within reason by knowing high-risk and low-risk
Analyze risk. Know when risk taking is an intelligent move and when it shouldn't be considered. Form a team of individuals to run ideas by before taking large risks. Get a consensus from others when taking a risk. Practice 'analyze risk taking' by thinking through the whole process before proceeding. Know the possibilities of the outcome and the good and bad of the end results.
Stretch your creativity and encourage that in others
Continually stretch your creative powers by thinking outside the box. Stretch out into the unknown and discover better ways of doing things. Set this example for others. Stretch your way of thinking and encourage that in others. Keep learning new things and finding better ways of doing what you do. Be a role model in your creative thinking and see the difference it makes in others.
Have a passion for what you do and create a sense of purpose
Display passion for what you do. Ensure your words are congruent with your actions. Then follow the path of your goals. Focus on the end results and the purpose of your actions.
Love what you do and do what you love. Establish a sense of purpose and let your passion show through to others. Project into the future your long-term goal and desires. Share this vision with others
Create an environment of opportunity
Create an environment where you and others around you can grow. Discover infinite opportunities by thinking outside the box. Get creative!
Give others the opportunity to experience new things and different ways of doing things
Encourage continual learning and new skills. Produce a richer environment by working at peak performance at high levels
Good Luck on your journey of becoming a great leader!
Cheryl Vallejos
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Creating a Not-To-Do List
When I sit down with a client to work on prioritizing and delegating, the biggest challenge we face is deciding what kinds of activities and responsibilities to give up. Quite often, we get so entrenched in what we think we SHOULD be doing, that we forget to pay attention to what we ENJOY doing. So when it comes time to let go of the boring, tedious, and time-consuming tasks that eat up our day, we have a struggle trying to identify them.
It is incredibly difficult for people to admit that they can't do everything themselves. Well guess what -- you can't! And I don't know that you would want to, even if you had the time. Some activities in life are unpleasant, outside of your range of expertise, or just not what you want to spend your time on. And there is nothing wrong with admitting that you don't want to do something, as long as you can find someone else to do it for you. That is the purpose behind creating a not-to-do list -- helping you identify chores, errands, and daily responsibilities that you can (and should) delegate to another person
GETTING STARTED
The key to creating a successful "not-to-do" list is awareness -- paying attention to what you do, how long it takes, how often you do it, and whether or not you get some benefit from that particular activity. However, we spend so much of our days on autopilot and in a state of overload, that simply trying to recall how you spent yesterday morning can be a real challenge! You will make things much easier if you keep a NOTEPAD nearby, where you can record your daily activities.
This doesn't mean that you have to log every second of your day ("8:00 -- got up" / "8:05 to 8:10 -- used bathroom" / "8:15 to 8:45 -- had breakfast" isn't really going to help you be more effective and efficient!) But if you can start tracking your work activities (could be paid outside work or housework or whatever fills your day), your travel time to and from activities, and any other external responsibilities (committee meetings, carpools, volunteering), you will begin to see places where you can trim and tighten your schedule through delegation.
So as you sit at your desk or work in your house or travel in your car, make a note of what you are doing -- such as "checking e-mails" or "cleaning oven" or "buying groceries." Then, estimate how much time you have spent on that particular chore or errand (don't forget travel and preparation time). We will continue on later with some in-depth questions about whether this action needs to be done at all (!!) and whether it needs to be done by you. But for now, that's the start of your "not-to-do" list.
HOW MUCH IS YOUR TIME IS WORTH?
When you were a kid, you probably had no clue what it took to earn money -- and you had no qualms about spending it freely on anything that caught your eye. But when you got an after-school job or started working for your allowance, you became a lot more discriminating about where you spent your hard-earned cash.
It's the same with time. Very few people in our society really know what their time is worth -- in concrete financial terms. But until you recognize that your time is intrinsically valuable, you will never be able to make informed decisions about where your time is best spent. Here's a general guide you can use in determining how much an hour of your time is worth, and how just one hour a day -- spent poorly or wisely -- adds up over a year's time:
INCOME.........ONE HOUR......IN A YEAR
$25,000.........$12.61.........$3,125
$40,000.........$20.49.........$5,000
$50,000.........$25.61.........$6,250
$75,000.........$38.42.........$9,375
$100,000........$51.23.........$12,500
$125,000........$65.10.........$15,884
$150,000........$76.84.........$18,750
$175,000........$89.65.........$21,875
$200,000........$102.46.........$25,000
$250,000........$128.07.........$31,250
$300,000........$153.69.........$37,500
** Based on 244 working days per year
So, you can always look at delegating in terms of the biggest financial payoff. When I hire someone to take care of an item on my not-to-do list -- and I pay them $25 an hour while my hour is worth $60 -- I'm coming out ahead. The same is true when I can hire someone to do a task in a half hour that would take me 3 to complete. I can be focusing on higher priorities -- things that feed my soul or grow my business or let me know I'm alive -- without worrying that the work isn't being done.
LOOK AT COSTS VERSUS BENEFITS
Have you ever caught yourself spending a lot of time on a very low-payoff activity? Maybe it's something that really does need to be done -- like addressing 1500 envelopes for a routine mass mailing or cleaning all of the window screens in your house -- but it's not something that is going to tremendously improve your quality of life. And it might be a hugely time-consuming activity, where the rewards you will reap don't even begin to compare to your investment of time and energy.
Most of these kinds of low-payoff jobs really serve as maintenance. The completion of these small activities doesn't make a major impact on your life -- but if left undone, they can erode away at your home, your career, your health, your peace of mind and cause serious problems down the road. That makes these chores perfect candidates for your "not-to-do" list -- items that really need to be done, but not necessarily by YOU. Here are some of the most common suggestions I hear from my clients -- see which resonate with you as being potentially delegable:
- house cleaning
- grocery shopping / meal preparation
- paperwork (filing / mailings / organizing)
- errand-running
- yard work / landscaping
- home maintenance / car maintenance
- follow-up with clients (phone calls / e-mails)
- travel / meeting / event arrangements
ARE YOU HAVING FUN?
Of course, you have to pay attention to more than just the financial cost of each task you perform yourself. You also have to ask if you really enjoy the work. Even though I could probably find someone else to maintain my website for me, I really enjoy the process of creating new pages, bringing ideas to life, and watching my "baby" blossom and grow. It is time consuming, but I'm filled with a renewed energy each time I sit down to add a new section to my site. So the payoff for me is in the emotional charge I get -- the sense of satisfaction and creativity -- and that is priceless, regardless of what my hour is worth.
On the other hand, my sister loves gardening. She finds it incredibly relaxing to dig in the dirt and watch a tiny bud explode into color in her front yard. Now lawn care is pretty much my idea of hell -- so I would probably hire someone else to take care of my shrubbery and flowers (if I had a yard!) It's all a matter of what energizes you, what fills your life with joy, and what you look forward to doing. If an activity fits this description, keep it for yourself and find other less-pleasurable chores to include on your not-to-do list.
IS THIS THE BEST POSSIBLE USE OF YOUR TIME?
The final question I always ask my clients when setting up their lists is, "What is the best possible use of your time at this exact moment?" We usually tend to focus too much on the daily grind -- paying bills, keeping the house clean, writing reports, etc. -- and too little on our real PRIORITIES. Do you really need to be organizing the garage, or spending time with your kids at the park? Is it a higher priority that you decide where to put the coffee pot and how to arrange the chairs at the upcoming sales meeting, or that you develop a strong agenda and provide guidance during the group discussion? Ask yourself where you will get the biggest bang for your buck. That should be where you focus your attention, and let someone else handle the rest.
FINDING AN ALTERNATIVE
Okay, so you've made a list of items that you would love to delegate -- who do you hand them off to? You have so many options!
- Get your family involved in the act -- kids and spouses are just as capable of handling those daily chores as you are!
- Ask a co-worker for some assistance -- and offer to help out the next time he or she needs a little bit of a break
- Make use of your support staff (administrative clerks, assistants, and other assorted minions) -- that's what they are there for
- Hire an independent contractor or freelancer to help with household and business tasks that you don't have time for
- Develop a local co-op for sharing those time-consuming domestic (trading off on cooking, cleaning, errand-running, or child care) -- or set up an informal swap with a neighbor
Just remember, you aren't in it alone. You simply have to decide what you want to delegate and then be willing to ask for help. Good luck!
It is incredibly difficult for people to admit that they can't do everything themselves. Well guess what -- you can't! And I don't know that you would want to, even if you had the time. Some activities in life are unpleasant, outside of your range of expertise, or just not what you want to spend your time on. And there is nothing wrong with admitting that you don't want to do something, as long as you can find someone else to do it for you. That is the purpose behind creating a not-to-do list -- helping you identify chores, errands, and daily responsibilities that you can (and should) delegate to another person
GETTING STARTED
The key to creating a successful "not-to-do" list is awareness -- paying attention to what you do, how long it takes, how often you do it, and whether or not you get some benefit from that particular activity. However, we spend so much of our days on autopilot and in a state of overload, that simply trying to recall how you spent yesterday morning can be a real challenge! You will make things much easier if you keep a NOTEPAD nearby, where you can record your daily activities.
This doesn't mean that you have to log every second of your day ("8:00 -- got up" / "8:05 to 8:10 -- used bathroom" / "8:15 to 8:45 -- had breakfast" isn't really going to help you be more effective and efficient!) But if you can start tracking your work activities (could be paid outside work or housework or whatever fills your day), your travel time to and from activities, and any other external responsibilities (committee meetings, carpools, volunteering), you will begin to see places where you can trim and tighten your schedule through delegation.
So as you sit at your desk or work in your house or travel in your car, make a note of what you are doing -- such as "checking e-mails" or "cleaning oven" or "buying groceries." Then, estimate how much time you have spent on that particular chore or errand (don't forget travel and preparation time). We will continue on later with some in-depth questions about whether this action needs to be done at all (!!) and whether it needs to be done by you. But for now, that's the start of your "not-to-do" list.
HOW MUCH IS YOUR TIME IS WORTH?
When you were a kid, you probably had no clue what it took to earn money -- and you had no qualms about spending it freely on anything that caught your eye. But when you got an after-school job or started working for your allowance, you became a lot more discriminating about where you spent your hard-earned cash.
It's the same with time. Very few people in our society really know what their time is worth -- in concrete financial terms. But until you recognize that your time is intrinsically valuable, you will never be able to make informed decisions about where your time is best spent. Here's a general guide you can use in determining how much an hour of your time is worth, and how just one hour a day -- spent poorly or wisely -- adds up over a year's time:
INCOME.........ONE HOUR......IN A YEAR
$25,000.........$12.61.........$3,125
$40,000.........$20.49.........$5,000
$50,000.........$25.61.........$6,250
$75,000.........$38.42.........$9,375
$100,000........$51.23.........$12,500
$125,000........$65.10.........$15,884
$150,000........$76.84.........$18,750
$175,000........$89.65.........$21,875
$200,000........$102.46.........$25,000
$250,000........$128.07.........$31,250
$300,000........$153.69.........$37,500
** Based on 244 working days per year
So, you can always look at delegating in terms of the biggest financial payoff. When I hire someone to take care of an item on my not-to-do list -- and I pay them $25 an hour while my hour is worth $60 -- I'm coming out ahead. The same is true when I can hire someone to do a task in a half hour that would take me 3 to complete. I can be focusing on higher priorities -- things that feed my soul or grow my business or let me know I'm alive -- without worrying that the work isn't being done.
LOOK AT COSTS VERSUS BENEFITS
Have you ever caught yourself spending a lot of time on a very low-payoff activity? Maybe it's something that really does need to be done -- like addressing 1500 envelopes for a routine mass mailing or cleaning all of the window screens in your house -- but it's not something that is going to tremendously improve your quality of life. And it might be a hugely time-consuming activity, where the rewards you will reap don't even begin to compare to your investment of time and energy.
Most of these kinds of low-payoff jobs really serve as maintenance. The completion of these small activities doesn't make a major impact on your life -- but if left undone, they can erode away at your home, your career, your health, your peace of mind and cause serious problems down the road. That makes these chores perfect candidates for your "not-to-do" list -- items that really need to be done, but not necessarily by YOU. Here are some of the most common suggestions I hear from my clients -- see which resonate with you as being potentially delegable:
- house cleaning
- grocery shopping / meal preparation
- paperwork (filing / mailings / organizing)
- errand-running
- yard work / landscaping
- home maintenance / car maintenance
- follow-up with clients (phone calls / e-mails)
- travel / meeting / event arrangements
ARE YOU HAVING FUN?
Of course, you have to pay attention to more than just the financial cost of each task you perform yourself. You also have to ask if you really enjoy the work. Even though I could probably find someone else to maintain my website for me, I really enjoy the process of creating new pages, bringing ideas to life, and watching my "baby" blossom and grow. It is time consuming, but I'm filled with a renewed energy each time I sit down to add a new section to my site. So the payoff for me is in the emotional charge I get -- the sense of satisfaction and creativity -- and that is priceless, regardless of what my hour is worth.
On the other hand, my sister loves gardening. She finds it incredibly relaxing to dig in the dirt and watch a tiny bud explode into color in her front yard. Now lawn care is pretty much my idea of hell -- so I would probably hire someone else to take care of my shrubbery and flowers (if I had a yard!) It's all a matter of what energizes you, what fills your life with joy, and what you look forward to doing. If an activity fits this description, keep it for yourself and find other less-pleasurable chores to include on your not-to-do list.
IS THIS THE BEST POSSIBLE USE OF YOUR TIME?
The final question I always ask my clients when setting up their lists is, "What is the best possible use of your time at this exact moment?" We usually tend to focus too much on the daily grind -- paying bills, keeping the house clean, writing reports, etc. -- and too little on our real PRIORITIES. Do you really need to be organizing the garage, or spending time with your kids at the park? Is it a higher priority that you decide where to put the coffee pot and how to arrange the chairs at the upcoming sales meeting, or that you develop a strong agenda and provide guidance during the group discussion? Ask yourself where you will get the biggest bang for your buck. That should be where you focus your attention, and let someone else handle the rest.
FINDING AN ALTERNATIVE
Okay, so you've made a list of items that you would love to delegate -- who do you hand them off to? You have so many options!
- Get your family involved in the act -- kids and spouses are just as capable of handling those daily chores as you are!
- Ask a co-worker for some assistance -- and offer to help out the next time he or she needs a little bit of a break
- Make use of your support staff (administrative clerks, assistants, and other assorted minions) -- that's what they are there for
- Hire an independent contractor or freelancer to help with household and business tasks that you don't have time for
- Develop a local co-op for sharing those time-consuming domestic (trading off on cooking, cleaning, errand-running, or child care) -- or set up an informal swap with a neighbor
Just remember, you aren't in it alone. You simply have to decide what you want to delegate and then be willing to ask for help. Good luck!
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